EHE News
Treat College-Age Students Like Adults, Not Kids
6-23-11
After you're used to staying up until the wee hours in the morning, not having to ask for permission to road trip with friends, and being able to eat whatever you want, it's pretty hard to return home from college and find that your parents' rules haven't changed from the ones you had in high school.
And for this reason it's not unusual for families to have trouble readjusting when children -- who are now young adults -- return home after being on their own for awhile. In fact, the same is true even if sons and daughters don't leave after high school, remaining at home while they enter the workforce or commute to classes. This isn't new, either.
A 1996 study published in the journal New Directions for Child Development revealed that young adults who live at least an hour away from home reported the best relationships with their parents; those who still lived at home reported the poorest relationships.
Kara Newby
Kara Newby, program specialist, Human Development and Family Science, OSU Extension, found that there is one important tip for making summer more pleasant for everyone.
- One thing parents can do is to examine their own behavior.
A 2006 study on parent-child relationships published in the Community College Journal of Research and Practice suggests that parents need to learn to treat their college-age children as adults.
- Not only does that mean openly discussing and determining house rules, but also making sure that everyone, including a returning student, has a share in handling household responsibilities.
Both students and parents may be anxious about the current situation and what the future holds. A daughter may feel uncertain about her status as an adult, especially in relation to her parents. She may hear about more and more college graduates needing to move back with their parents because of the tight job market and wonder if she will ever make a smooth transition into financial and social independence.
Though parents and students both might harbor different concerns, they both want the same thing, Newby found. Both of them want the young adult to grow into a responsible, successful person who treats others respectfully. And guess what? This summer can help with that.
- Parents need to start treating their son or daughter less like a teenager and more like an adult.
- Parents should openly discuss their concerns, and ask their sons and daughters about their views. If returning students have ideas that conflict with their parents' concerns, remember -- that's not disrespect. It's just an independent mind.
- When parents and their college-age students disagree, they should work on ways to find a middle ground. Demonstrating that skill will help young adults practice it, which will serve them well in the future.
For more ideas, see the post " Tips for a Happy Summer" on the Eat, Save and Be Healthy written by Family and Consumer Sciences professionals. The post offers ideas for both parents and returning college students.
Writer: Martha Filipic, Communications and Technology, College of Food, Agricultural, and Environmental Sciences and OSU Extension, The Ohio State University
Adapted from Family Fundamentals , June 2011
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